As it's a nice evening I decide to pop in on Suze. Stop at the off-licence and select a couple of bottles of a rather ripe-looking Pinot Gris, which costs an arm and a leg, but I'm feeling generous.

I realise my mistake soon enough: masses of cars outside Suze's house, and heaven forbid, one of those hippy tricycles. It turns out to be some kind of birthday party, and Suze's outside in the so-called garden surrounded by her dreadful friends, eating vegetable curry and drinking that awful winebox muck.

Obviously I need to get out, and fast, but it's all too late: I'm spotted by one of the revolting savages, who're all tearing around covered in mud and eating cheesy Wotsits. Attempting to look cheerful, I try to save face by presenting the Pinot Gris, but horror of horrors, it gets added to a saucepan full of 'punch' and I'm roped in to play party games. To my credit, I think I make a good job of it, but as soon as it's decently possible I slip off home for a hot bath and a large vodka.

What a lovely surprise: Annie remembers Lavender's birthday, and drops round with some wine. I'd no idea she knew when it was. No present, though, but the kids are pleased to see her, and I can't help getting a warm feeling as I see her surrounded by their darling happy faces: she's not got many friends, and doesn't get out much.

Luckily there's masses of food, although Annie claims she's not very hungry, but I know she likes a drink so we slosh her wine into the punch. In no time at all everyone's gathered round asking gardening questions, and I feel so proud of her; she's so clever and knows all the answers.

After a bit, though, I notice people are getting argumentative; there's an edge to her voice and she's giving some rather bizarre advice. Trying to avert a scene, I suggest she organises a few party games, but although I can tell she puts a lot of effort into it, she's rather too convincing in 'What's the time, Mr Wolf', and some of the smaller ones have to go home sooner than expected.